like a house of cards

I am a massive mess. I'm going mental right now. I messed up my body clock. I just want to scream underwater. I want to climb a mountain in full speed till I run out of breath. I want to roll down a grassed hill. I want to try kayaking for the first time. I want to cut my hair short. I want to lose weight. I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to make a mark on Earth so I won't be forgotten when I leave. I want to fall in love. I want sing on top of my voice to the ocean and not be shy. I want to jump into a pool and swim till my arms and legs can't move no more.

 I want to be beautiful. I want to feel beautiful. I want to be confident for who I am and going to be. I want my love ones to be proud of me for they are the one that moulded me to becoming the person I am today. I want to be well-known, it doesn't have to be fame or fortune. Maybe I save someone's life or save tigers from extinction, I don't know. Or maybe I become a young, beautiful and successful businesswoman with a loyal husband and many children. I want people to say, "How does she do it?". 

I want people to tell me I lost weight and ask me to eat more. I want to know more about God. I want soft, pretty skin. I want pretty hair. I want to publish a book consists of my dream journals. I want to break glass, plates and windows. I want to clean and organise. I want to peel garlic and slice it just because. I want to save the world.

I want that.

I'm odd.

I'm crazy.

I know.