young but I'm not that bold

Today is the first of September and I realised if I want to live a better, happier and healthier life then I have to start with myself and start now. I can't depend on my friends anymore, they always come and go. It took me quite some time to realise it but of course, at least I have family. I can depend on them till the end of time because they are the ones that would stick with you even after a big argument just because we're family. God has given me such a wonderful family, some great friends, good college and a healthy body. I should really set my mind into aiming for higher goals and to living a happier life.

a little list for me to achieve before the year ends

lose weight

prettier skin, healthy hair

better grades
change bad habits

be happier 

♥

♡

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fun fact #1

I tend to get motion sickness easily if I travel by car or plane while having my hair tied up or for a long period of time, if my hair were to be down then I would be alright and my head gets all dizzy if someone's perfume or cologne is too strong 

╮(╯▽╰)╭

dream journal #3

24 August 2013

It all started at a place that looked like a lobby of a beach hotel. I was with Tasha, Roland and Justin and we were pretty confused on how we ended there at the first place. We walked around to do a bit of exploring and got split up. Justin and I met Nicholas, Loh and Alysa at a hallway and ended up walking into a huge room. Inside the room, we had to complete a few mini games for only God knows the reason because I don't. I had to throw ping pong balls at a football from a far distance till the football fell from its display to complete my task. Justin had to run down a flight of stairs to the bottom which had a swallow pond. He had to find a small sliver suitcase that contained something important.

After I completed my task, I waited at a small dining table with Roland and snooped around Alysa's wallet. She then came up to me and showed me that she hid a bar of gold in a secret compartment inside her wallet. Justin arrived in front of us after a few seconds and he looked like he was out of breath from climbing up the long flight of stairs. We opened the sliver suitcase and inside was a note that instructed us to go the the fourth floor. There was also a grey file inside the suitcase that had my name on it. Inside the file was magical, as ridiculous as I can sound, yes, it was magical. It had moving pictures and 3D effects of the island we were on like a 3D hologram but in a file. 

There was instructions for me to defuse a bomb somewhere located on the island, as I was reading, Tasha and Petra came up to me and invited me to follow them to a restaurant not far from where we were. We had to walk into a forest not far from the resort and ended up in front of a restaurant that was serving both chinese and italian food. We took our seats on one of the tables and suddenly a baby kangaroo jumped on top of our table. I remember saying that I wanted to show it to Eeling out of the blue but I let it hop away into the forest.

I don't remember what happened in between so I'm going to fast forward to me suddenly ending up standing on a beach. A cute guy ran up to me and asked me to do what I have to do while he instruct everyone to evacuate the beach. I looked at my hand and apparently I was still holding the grey file. I looked inside and this time it wasn't the 3D hologram of the island but just a note saying that I had to protect the file and have with me at all times.

Suddenly, the ground started rumbling and the cute guy from before grab my hand and we ran towards the sea. We were not far from the beach but something exploded and the force pushed us further into the sea. I saw myself losing grip to the file and in slow motion the file just slowly drifted away. I could feel myself getting dizzy and sinking down the water but a big wave hit me back to reality, that's when I woke up.

aim high but not so high

It's about time I should pull myself together. 

After trials, which I know I did horribly like my semester exam, there will only be six weeks left till my finals. I'm taking three subjects for my A levels, psychology, economics and maths. My aim would be a BBC or if I manage to push myself enough, maybe an ABC. I have very low confidence in maths, I am absolutely terrible with numbers. At first, I took maths as one of my subjects because I heard from a university placement talk that maths was compulsory if I wanted to choose law in a university. But I later found out that it wasn't necessary and realised I never really wanted to pursue law as a career. So I pretty much should own a shirt that says "I am steewpid". I don't know what to feel lately, I'm so blessed but I'm not as hardworking as I ought to be (╯︵╰,)

My older brother is coming to stay at my place for a few days then we'll be flying back to our hometown together so I'm thrilled ♥ (ヘ。ヘ) I'm always my happiest when family is around. I will be going back to my hometown at the end of the week for about ten wonderful days since college gave us a break for cutting the raya holiday a week short. For that ten wonderful days, I'm going to post my favourite picture I took for each day since a picture tells a thousand words and maybe a dream journal post or two. Another reason would be that, I don't want my blog to be too "wordy" so a few picture posts would probably lighten up everything.

dream journal #2

dear readers, my first dream journal entry was dreamt on the evening of that day, I have a bunch of notes of my dreams in my iPhone that I typed out right after I woke up from my sleep so I'll be posting them from time to time and the dates might not be accurate. Don't be surprised if I mentioned your name (for the people that I know) because random people I know tend to randomly appear in my dreams and I might not have told you that you were in some of them. WARNING, my dreams can get to weird level : infinity, so here I go

14 April 2013

I was in my older brother's room with another girl which looked like Emily Fields from Pretty Little Liars. We were getting prepared to kill walkers that were outside scratching the door. We looked at each other then opened the door and used a chair to push the walkers to the side so we had room to run down the stairs. We killed some walkers while running to the main door and got into a really nice car that looked like a classic black mustang. The girl that looked like Emily drove us away from my house and said that she had to get me to a special dinner in a ballroom. There were a lot of cars going the same location and I changed in the car into a beautiful black dinner dress and had my black glittery heels on.

When we arrived, I saw both of my brothers all dressed up at the entrance, they escorted me inside the ballroom. At the corner of the ballroom, there was a weird shop selling pets. I remember seeing fishes with human teeth, a weird looking naked mole rat and a baby sloth. I carried the baby sloth and played with it in a jungle gym inside the shop then woke up from my sleep.

(I wish my dreams had better endings)

dream journal #1

I dreamt that I was living in a bigger and modern mansion, it was like when I fell asleep in reality, I woke up in my dream, I slightly remember that I got up from a white sofa from my nap and saw everybody being busy getting ready for a party and placing food on a long dinner table. My relatives were everywhere and so were my siblings. Then all of a sudden, everybody started to get really excited and said someone is arriving. It was my dad. The party was a birthday celebration for him. 

I remember one of my uncle which is my dad's younger brother, bringing a beautiful cake up to him when he got down from a shiny black range rover with my older brother who was getting down from the driver's seat and we all started singing happy birthday. I don't know how but everything slowed down right when he was walking towards the cake and I turned around to look at everybody's smiles and laughter. I could see my grandmother on the sofa clapping happily, little cousins running around chasing each other and my mom wearing a warm smile on her face. 

After my dad blew the candles on the cake, he looked at me and open his arms widely. I slowly walked towards him and gave him a big teddy bear hug, he lifted me and twirled me around like I was five years old. I could feel my happiness even though I was just dreaming it. I could feel the wind, I could feel myself smiling widely with my teeth and giggling away, then I woke up, missing my family more than I ever had.

and satan said "let there be maths"

numbers and me will never go well together.

city lights, lonely nights

heart broke as soon as it hit me that my apartment was empty again,
I'm a pretty weak person for someone that breaks down thinking of my family and being all alone

"weakest of them all"

economics papers tomorrow, unprepared like a kid that doesn't know how to swim and got thrown into the deepest water by a horrible father. i know i'm not the only one having downs in life and mine might just be the size of a peanut compared to others that are facing bigger problems. but this is me and my problem, i have to face it myself and grow stronger from it. am i right?

it's easier said then done.
it's always easier said then done.

I have so many questions that are unanswered,
why am I not as strong as I used to be?
was I ever even strong?
why can't studying be a natural flow to me like my other friends?
why am i struggling so badly when i already know my weaknesses?
why do I have to go through all this alone?
or am I not alone?

△

"Teenagers should be allowed to have experience before deciding their future, we are deciding even before we experience it"

late night blogging

hello readers, this is my second post for today as you can see. it looks like i actually have a lot of time to be typing another post but i don't. I'm suppose to be revising my subjects for my trials in three days... i'm doomed. I did horribly in my semester exam for college but then again i'm here typing up a post when i'm suppose to be studying. my mind and mood have been really messy and all over the place lately, i cry easily nowadays since i'm away from my family. each time i hear my parents' voice over the phone, my heart tends to break a little and i can't help it but tear up and cry after every phone call. I miss them, a lot.

my heart seems to be growing weaker each day I'm away from my family
I hate being alone,
I hate feeling lonely
is it possible to feel your heart shrinking and grow weaker by the minute?

if you are somebody i know and you're reading this... oh god, I'll be embarrassed. if i have to explain why am i writing a blog, well it's cause i feel like i want to type out what i have in my mind every now and then. my little thought monsters need to run free somewhere, might as well be in a pretty blog.

if you are a stranger, I would appreciate it if you drop a comment or advice for me to read or don't, do as you like.

it is about time that i get my shit together but it's been months since i said that and i still don't have my shit together. I'm taking my a levels in college and it's hard, really hard. the harder it gets, the more I feel like an ostrich because the size of their brain is smaller than their eyeball, the more i don't want to be here, the more i miss home, the more i want to just drop everything and be a hobo.

I want...

to be sexier
to be braver
to be prettier
to be happier
to be smarter
to be slimmer
to be stronger
to be healthier
to be friendlier
to be more loving
to be more patient
to be more bubbly
to be more flexible
to be more thankful
to be more confident
to be more out-going
to be more productive
to be less judgemental
to be more eco-friendly
and to be loved

An introduction of myself maybe?

this is a picture of myself, I'm sometimes happy but when I'm not,

I look like a walker from the walking dead

Sarah Loh Yung Yiing

11 April 1995

eighteen

Malaysian

college student

my brain just paused... right when I have to start typing a paragraph about me. it would be better if i had my friends describe me because they are the people that knows me when i'm at my best and my worse. but since it is my blog and it has to be my fingers typing this. well where should I start? 

I'm a stubborn girl. I eat too much. I go out of topic in conversations very often. I have a very bad habit of doing things very last minute. I can be patient but it depends on if you're worth the wait. I sleep a lot. I like playing sports that includes using a racket like badminton, ping pong and squash. Fan of Liverpool, YNWA. I read weird facts about the world so I can use it in conversations with people I'm not that familiar with. Are you still reading? ok, I'll go on. My favourite colours are black, grey and white(are they even counted as colours? i'll google it later) My favourite animal is the giraffe and I watch running man pretty often. A fan of 2NE1 and Big Bang. Massive fan of the walking dead but massive hater for horror movies. I have veloxrotaphobia (fear of roller coasters) I hate having long nails and perfume. I only own two perfume bottles, one smells like bubblegum and the other like mango. I tend to dream a lot and have the weirdest dreams. I'll post entries of my weird dreams when I feel like it. I worry like a mother and can be very protective like a father when it come to my best friends. Last but not least, I have never fell in love before.

my first post

Hello, I'm not sure who am I referring my hello to but if you're a random reader that trip yourself and accidentally found my blog, well nice to meet you.

I keep back spacing every sentence I type because I think twice and wonder if it is relevant to be read by other people. Would you guys care and have opinions of my thoughts? Well, that's for you to answer. I'm the kind of person that would say I wouldn't care about what people think of me but deep inside, I tend to over think that particular sentence or opinion or statement that a friend or stranger said about me.

I tend to get information from friends that tell me about all the "he said she said" about me and think a lot about it. I don't live a perfect life, neither do you but if you do then congratulations. I'm not the kind of person that actually wants attention but my heart tends to feel all warm and fuzzy when I get little compliments from friends and when somebody notices the little good deeds I do without a reason.

Right now, I feel so empty, maybe that's the reason why I'm typing this post right now. Forgive me if my post seems very immature and irrelevant or don't if you want to, it's your choice.

I'm at that teenage phrase where I have to choose a course or a career for my future. I know growing up we have been asked the same question over and over again by adults. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Sarah answered those questions with actress, singer, fashion designer, wedding planner and even crime scene investigator. How silly was I? But honestly, I admired how little Sarah used to dream really big as in like famous hollywood big star kind of big. When things got more serious, like adults actually want a serious answer from you. High school Sarah answered lawyer. A plain straight answer, "Lawyer". I never thought it through about actually being lawyer and recently this year I have. I can't seem to picture myself as a lawyer, it just don't go together with my personality.

If I were to describe myself in five words, it would

"unpredictable", "blessed", "weird", "straightforward" and "bubbly"

To be honest, it actually took me quite some time to think which five words I can choose to describe myself. I asked a few close friends to describe me in five words and most of them chose, "pretty", "nice", "funny", "cute", "beautiful", "loveable"and "friendly". But the big question in my mind is, am I really am?