Undeserving

Hello there Internet, I guess it's safe to announce that second year of university has ended for me since I just took my final exam paper this morning. Due date after due date, writing essays, reports and studying lecture notes and books for the past couple of months can be pretty restless and soul draining. I'm not exactly fully complaining about it because I have great interest in what I have picked to pursue as a degree and I genuinely like what I'm studying. It's just that you know, sometimes, black and white, word after word, it can get mundane when it's not hands on, physical sort of work.

I definitely know for sure I am in no way fit to work a 9-5 job in an office in formal office wear, even the thought of it gives me anxiety. But I don't know, that's 21 year old Sarah's mind speaking right now, not sure if it will change in an hour or tomorrow or in a couple years or never. We'll see.

Anyways, I'm not feeling the best of myself lately. Just feeling like I can offer so much more to the world and contribute more for the better but at the same time I just want to stay on my very comfortable spot and not bother about calming my nerves when I go out to do sometimes. It's a constant battle with myself. Definitely been told by more than one person that I am truly my own worst enemy.

"Get your shit together, get it ALL together and put it in a backpack. All your shit so it's together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know? Take it to the shit store and sell it or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together." -Morty Smith